Chapter 51 - Jawbreaker

*While much less dangerous than Ned the Salesman the workers at The Candy Store are much feared for their strong selling abilities. **The jawbreakers are amazing as they net The Candy Store more in profit than the customer pays for them.

Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore awoke to find himself in what seemed to be a park in the middle of a city. The tourists that had been surrounding him were nowhere to be found and without their reinforcement of his new identity he felt more like himself, or at least more like Florg Stunt Cow 2 and not Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore which was still not like feeling like Florg but it was a step in the right direction. The park in which Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore had awoken in was unusually empty. It was warm and sunny out with only a few random clouds in the sky and yet despite the nice weather there was nobody in the park as far as Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore could see. In fact the current lack of people seemed to stretch beyond just the park, the sidewalks were empty and the only cars to be seen were parked on the side of the road or carelessly abandon in the middle of the street. Something was most certainly amiss in this place but Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore had no idea what it could be. Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore then heard a buzzing sound. Looking around he realized that one of the large masses floating up in the sky he had at first thought was a cloud was actually a massive swarm of angry looking tsetse flies. This swarm of flies was quickly approaching which is probably why the citizens of this town had fled. Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore was about to leave in a panic as well when suddenly remembered that he was a tsetse Fly Stunt Cow 2 National monument and thus he would be safe from the angry fly mob. This realization was quickly surpassed by another more startling realization, in his current state the fly mob may not see him as another fly but rather as a cow or a mountain, neither of which would afford him much protection against the coming mob. Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore thought about hiding from the coming mob but his current personality was too big to effectively hide anywhere. Thus he stood his ground hoping to the mob would not spot him.

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Joe soon arrived at a desolate looking city. The streets were empty, the stores were closed, and there was not a person in sight. Joe had been hoping to acquire some sustenance, attempting to save the universe had left him rather hungry. This hope was in the process of being dashed as it seemed the town was deserted. He continued to wander around in search of food and fortunately for his stomach he stumbled upon the only store in the city still open, The Candy Store. Upon entering The Candy Store all five of Joes senses were greeted with an overpowering presence of sugar. The store was full of sugar in various forms, from piles of hard candies to balloons filled with concentrated sugar vapor and everything in between. Joe was soon lost amongst the stores vast selection so much so that he didn’t notice the arrival of The Candy Store Worker until it was too late*. “Greetings customer! How many thousands of dollars can I assist you in spending today? We currently have a special on these amazing jawbreakers** (WARNING JAWBREAKERS KNOWN TO NOT CONTAIN FOOD, DO NOT EAT, HANDLE ONLY WITH APPROPRIATE HAND AND EYE PROTECTION, HEARING PROTECTION IS STRONGLY RECOMMENDED)” Joe, having been taken by surprise, foolishly responded with “Sure, I’ll have an orange one” And after some quick payment acquisition Joe was deposited outside the store with jawbreaker in hand and what felt like one less kidney inside. With the jawbreaker acquired Joe set out to find a place to relax and enjoy it. The sun was still shining and with the exception of some far off dark buzzing clouds the sky was perfectly clear. Joe wandered into the park and discovered it had a most unusual piece of art, it looked like a scale model of Mount Rushmore except one of the presidents had been replaced with a daring looking cow and another had been replaced with a glowing tsetse fly. He figured the back side of the page must have just had some strange presidents in their past and decided to sit down in the shade of the large monument to enjoy his snack.